Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
