i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
