Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
