the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
