can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
