I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
