also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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