All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
