so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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