Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
