I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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