he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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