I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
