I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
