New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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