Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Houston, we have a squirter
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
