i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
