apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
