I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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