Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
