bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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