1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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