I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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