I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
