Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
