this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
