Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
