dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You can't special order awesome
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
