a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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