I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
