I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
