My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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