I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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