As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
two words: eviction party
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
