It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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