Porn is love you can see.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
