She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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