make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
