Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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