R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
