So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
