Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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