Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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