what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
