why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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