We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
