You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
