who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
