i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
