I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
