If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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