What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
