She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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