i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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